Some of the traits that might distinguish this heroic character are:
An excessive confidence in and desire to share his knowledge of food and wine. This will be displayed through comments such as "Oh, they only have the '98 Shafer cabernet, too bad because I've had it and the '95 which is far superior!" Or they may inquire of the crabcakes, "Is that lump crab meat?" These questions and comments are as much for the benefit of the server who he is trying to dominate as they are for the guests he is trying to impress.
A tendency to interrupt is common as well. The server is halfway through the description of the duck special when the gentleman feels compelled to inquire, "Is the skin crispy?" This demonstrates his knowledge of properly cooked duck while simultaneously showing that he is uncouth and impatient and somewhat dubious about the chef's cooking skills. Of course the skin is crispy, this is a nice restaurant!
One of his worst attributes is his tendency to place himself in an adversarial relationship with the server, as if the server is trying to trick the guests into ordering something they won't like and it is up to him, the table hero, to prevent this. An excellent example is the guy who knows the restaurant well enough to know that the entrees are generously sized, and uses this information to stop others from ordering appetizers despite the server's suggestion that hungry guests might want to order something small to start with since those dishes are quick to prepare and give you something to eat while you wait. "Oh no," he might say, "Don't fall for that one, they bring you bread anyway." Thanks, dude!
This is the same guy who insists on asking if the chef/owner is there tonight, which is an obnoxious way of saying, "I know your boss." The thing is, I know my boss, too, and I know he thinks you are a tool!
The real table hero is the person who discretely approaches the server away from the table, hands him a credit card and says, "I am paying for the meal, thank you." Then he leaves a twenty percent tip. That's some heroic stuff right there.
This is perhaps one of my least favorite of all jackass customers. Thanks for nailing this one Stevie!
ReplyDelete-shannon
My fave is a combination of Table Hero and Asian Fetishist - particularly useful person to take to a sushi bar. Better than "I know your boss," is "I'm [insert some random connection to asian person/culture/movie here]"
ReplyDeleteYes, now that I know you're an insider prepare for preferential treatment.
I love the "I know the owner" or "is so and so here?". I get it. You know the owners name. He tends to introduce himself to the majority of tables every night. Chances are he doesn't know who you are. He might pretend to care, and then we will go in the kitchen a mock you.
ReplyDeleteIn no way will calling him over here get you whatever rediculous treatment that you feel you deserve. I'll be telling him exactly what you are being a baby about when I go get him to come over here. Good luck with that.
If you were actually friends with him, chances are after three years here, I'd know you.