Feet on furniture and other missteps....

The other night at the bar I had a gentleman put his feet up on a stool. I had served him a double when he first sat down, and he seemed genial enough, but I was beginning to wonder if he had actually been partying all evening before stopping in to visit with me. He had made a point of asking by name if the owner was working, always a power move that fails to impress me. The way I see it, if he really was friends with my boss, he wouldn't put his feet on the furniture.

I knew he planned to eat, so I attempted to take his order. He was torn between two menu items, one of which is fairly mundane, but delicious and inexpensive, the other is a more original and dare I say snazzy dish, which is always great and had been coming out particularly well that evening for whatever reason. Of course I wanted him to spend more money, but I honestly believe that if you come to the restaurant it is my job to serve you what I personally feel is the best food and drink we have that night, regardless of cost.

I said to him, "Well, it depends on whether you feel like you deserve the fancy dish tonight, or whether you think you are looking more for bang for your buck."

He informed me that he rejected the notion of anyone deserving anything and would have to decide based only on what he wanted.

I said, "Well for example I can tell you think you are pretty special because you have your feet up on the barstool!" I laughed and he laughed and he didn't move his feet. So I said:

"Don't worry, I will wipe that stool off for you after you leave so no one gets their pants dirty!"

Still not getting it, he made a comment about the fact that he had not polished his boots lately. I assured him they would not get any dirtier from being on our stools, which until recently had been very clean. He joked that he would spare me by not putting his feet on the bar, and I assured him that were he to do that I would ask him to leave. I then said point blank that in fact I would have to now ask him to kindly remove his feet from the furniture.

This dude ordered the fancy dish I was suggesting, and took his feet off the stool once my back was turned.

Later on he had spread back out all over the bar with his newspapers, which was not a problem really since we were on the slow side. He made a point of mentioning his own history within the restaurant industry as he observed that there didn't seem to be any customers inconvenienced by his taking up of extra space.

The only problem was, he had his feet up again, this time on a different stool! He asked me if that was okay, so I told him straight up that I thought I had made it clear that we preferred he not have his feet up.

He took his feet down a second time.

This was a guy who was out of the house while his wife hosted a book club, flying solo, perhaps trying to relive his younger reckless days when he put his feet up and told the Man to take a walk. The only problem is, he chose a NICE restaurant to stage his mini-rebellion. Had he gone to a legitimately dangerous bar where bad people did whatever they wanted in a consequence free environment, then probably no one would have said a word to him about his feet on the furniture. He would have just gotten shanked without any discussion.

The point is, who puts their feet up on a barstool? It's not an ottoman, it's not even that convenient or comfortable for your feet to rest on. Get serious, get over yourself and your so-called experience in the industry, and no I don't want your New York Times after you're done with it, because I read it online.

Then the dude leaves five on thirty-seven. I never forget a face, either.